Controlled illcommunication

I suppose it bothers me, this convention of communication abortion.

The idea that the woman doesn't need to go out of her way, respectfully or otherwise, to tell you what the fuck is going on. If a woman doesn't want to date you any more, she just stops talking to you. This works if you don't have any social intersect, or care what she thinks. But if you like her, or if you know the same people, or if you dance at the same places, then it really just doesn't.

The communication abortion method is simple, and non-confrontational (read as: cowardly, disrespectful), and it gives plenty of time for both parties come to their own conclusions (which may, or may not be the same). When I next run into the Woman in Red, what will we do?
I guess I will do what I always do. I will ask her to dance.

It will have to be a slow song, because I have developed a very smooth gait for the slow waltzes. I will lead her in circles across the floor, and heads will turn. She is, after all, The Woman in Red. During the dance, I will make polite eye contact, and she will look at me through her dark brown curls. She will look at me as though she is having a good time, as if she is wondering what it might be like to be kissed. But only because that is her job. The song will end, and I will thank her for the dance, and she will be beautiful. Then I will disappear into the crowd, and leave her be.

Or, before another six days pass, she may respond to my email. My last attempt at communication was four days ago. Until I hear from her, I am just sitting on a wire, wondering if it's already over. Every time I sit down, I look for the answer. I check my email, and I hope that at the top of my screen will be a bolded title:
"Re: So You survived a Zombie Attack... "

It occurs to me, that I have no idea what normal people do on dates, or why they go out. I understand that at the conclusion, the boy is supposed to try to kiss the girl, and she will commonly go along with it, then worry (silently) about leading him on (because she doesn't really like him anyway).

I don't feel right, I don't feel clean initiating physical affection if there is no established emotional bond. What this convention does, is it makes it very difficult for me to build an emotional bond. It makes it Dangerous to build an emotional bond. So I can't. Every night I check my email, and wonder "Has she already started ignoring me?" But I can not know. When will I? There is no fine line, no moment where it's clear that she is ignoring me, rather than busy. But I'm afraid I've already given up on her. I'm tired. All of this worrying and waiting is taking it's toll me.

I don't know who I'm looking for, but when we find each other, I won't need to wait four days to find what she would do if Zombies Ate Her Neighbors.