MANDATORY BONUS FUN

I think it's safe to say that I have an inexhaustible supply of tiny microwave pizzas. Like my love, these pizzas are available at fifty cents apiece to anyone who walks into Ralphs. However, unlike my love, these pizzas are tastey and desirable. I bought sixteen.
Tonight, I am going to hit the town. Paint it red. With blood. Probably my own. My agenda tonight consists of a trip to the Game Store in Pasadena, where I will pick up a copy of the Paranoia MANDATORY BONUS FUN card game, and ask out Star Gazer. "Want to go out for cocoa when your shift ends?" I will ask. After she turns me down in one of many humorous ways, I am off to the Pasadena Ballroom Dance Association Saturday Night Swing Dance. Where I will recover my confidence by dancing with ladies. After the dance, when her shift ends at 10pm, perhaps Star Gazer will meet me in old Town.
Star Gazer is the woman who works at the Game Store on Tuesdays and Saturdays. I first ran into her with Geoff and Emily, and have talked with her three times since. She is an avid gamer, with what I can only infer to be a passion for old school Werewolf roleplay. She is in the market for a $400, 3D modeled Settlers of Catan set, which is a bit extravagant, but just about the best boardgame I've ever played.
In preparation for this evening, I have shaved my beard.

When you have a beard, you are a part of a special club. A man (or woman, god willing) can walk down the street, make eye contact with another person, also with beard, and share something. "Yes, shit grows out of my face too." They seem to communicate. It is indeed a magical bond. A man with a beard is a Man of Action. But, it's action tembered with responsibility. Like a Fireman, or someone's dad. I am no longer a member of this community, but on account of the itching, maybe I never really belonged.
I only grew the thing because I had enough time away from work to get it growing, and I thought Someone else might like it. Someone else never saw it, so I'm tired of the itching, not to mention my unfamiliar reflection. My beard is gone.
I thought it would help my confidence if I felt pretty again. It didn't. Today is one of those days where I feel fat. And Geoff says I am getting a bald spot where I cannot see.