And she kissed me.

That wasn't quite what I had expected going into this evening.

Octave and I have a long history. She was my first kiss. She was the girl I almost dated two years ago. We have stayed in contact since, and are very good friends. I once wrote her a very slick song, but never sang it to her, because she told me she was seeing someone. It was complicated.

After I broke up with my ex, I made a promise to myself to remain unattached for at least 3 months. No matter what goodness came my way, I would have to be perfectly honest with her, and keep my heart open to others as well. Turns out I'm not very good at keeping my heart open. It likes to sink it's little hearty teeth in, and make a decision.
I have a crush on Octave, but it isn't actually going too well. She is very hard to get a hold of, and as of late, has been a slow and sporadic communicator. She has a lot going on.

What I am most concerned about is that if Octave and I go on a few dates, and I choose to boyfriend Sakura, Octave may feel like she was runner up. Or best candidate, when no others are available. The truth of the matter is that I am very strongly attracted to her, but I have a very difficult time reading her.

I cannot begin to understand if she is flirting or not.

Octave is a flirt. She flirts with everyone. This is, overall a good thing. It's nice to be flirted with. She does the world a favor. But I find it difficult to determine if her flirting with me has any special merit. She certainly does, but I don't know if it is her expressing affection or behaving normal.

I feel like I need her. I need Octave in my life. She is a great woman to talk to, and she always helps me out of a jam. I have bungled so much during this dating spree, that I'm afraid of damaging existing systems.

She is in a unique time in her life right now, and isn't in a hurry to tie herself down again. I can respect that mightily. She broke up with her ex (ex fiancee) just before I broke up with mine (never fianceed). I want to give her time to work through things.