Still not a Date

Today is the close of the worst week of my life. It's not like I got pubic sores, or I accidentally decapitated a friend, I was just completely unable to relax. On tuesday morning, I thought about car crashes all the way to work. On coming traffic. Bridge pillars. Canyon cliffs. I'm in my mom's station wagon. The thing is so big, I would kill whomever I struck, and survive to continue my lamentations.

It was a bad week.
One thing about me, is that when I am depressed, I am DEPRESSED.
It passes, mostly after liberal application of sleep, but it happens sometimes.

All week, I was looking forward to thursday night gaming. Octave was getting a small group of friends together, and I would meet them. It's not an interview, or a judgement. I'm just meeting them. And if they don't assimilate me into the friendhood, she can't date me. no pressure.
Octave wasn't able to get enough of her friends for thursday, so she rescheduled it for monday.
It sort of hurt my feelings, and suddenly I lost it.

I don't really want to defend my behavior, I was emotional. That's either enough of an excuse or no excuse at all. Depends on who you are.
With Princess in a separate IM Window telling me that I should say what is on my mind, I told her that it hurt me that she rescheduled it again.
I have an eager heart, and I have been trying so hard to keep my hands on it, but it leaks. And spurts. I got some of my heart juice on Octave.

With an additional 4 day delay proposed without even my consideration, it seemed that Octave was not in fact counting down the hours until our next encounter. She may not even be looking forward to seeing me. I lost my perspective, and I told her how I felt.
A little too much about how I felt.
That went about as well as you can imagine.

I am not happy without something to worry about, and at this point, it's perfectly reasonable for me to start sabotaging my own love life.
I think you don't have interest in me, I said in different, possibly more insulting words.
Hah hah! take that ME! Take that Previous Post where she said she was Interested in me. Take that LOGIC! Do you like these Apples? Yes I do.

She was insulted, and possibly considered me too demanding or needy.
Uh oh. I thought. I explained myself, and speedily brought the situation from "too demanding," to "too messed up." not necessarily a step up.

But she seem to forgive my transgressions. I told her that it would mean a lot to see her thursday night, no matter what we did. So she agreed it it.

It's not even a question of whether it's a date or not. It's not. Not because I upset her, but we aren't dating. We're friends who happen to flirt and go out a bit.

It was the epitome of a laid back evening.
I must of course leave out the sultry details. Of which there are none.
But there was pie involved. Any evening with pie is a good evening.

If you read this blog weekly, then I have no doubt accidentally seduced you. That tends to happen to the women who are near me (that never happens). Sorry, but the feeling isn't mutual. I LIKE you, and I like the time we spend together (mostly at MY request, so why don't you finally bookmark this site?) but really, I need to be in a committed relationship before things get physical. Sorry Ladies.