Date Review: Sakura Round 2

A Reasonable Man would get a little sleep before putting his thoughts in print. I am not a reasonable man. As previously stated, I am a funny man. Comedy At the expense of women and their trust.
So if you have a problem with that, you'd better not be laughing. Also, a man walks into a Bar. "Ouch," he says. You'd better not laugh at that either.

Our date did not go well. Sakura had planned this one, and it was to be Italian food, followed by Pride and Prejudice. I didn't really want to see P&P, but I knew it was a sappy lovey film, and that I'd probably like it, despite my own pride and prejudice. It was the film she recommended, and when you're going out on a second date, you don't say "Romance is for Fags. Let's see Jarhead." You say " That sounds great. I'll pick you up after work." After work came pretty quickly. I pulled through the LA traffic in record time, and was at her door by 5:30.
My mind wandered from place to place, to the kiss we'd shared, to her calves, back to the kiss, and then to the not so subtle remark she'd made about finding time for making out. I was seventeen again. I was very excited about the making out. That didn't end up happening.
I met her at the door, and pulled her in for a hug, followed with a smooth transition into a kiss. This was how we ended the last date, and it was very important for me to reestablish our comfort and attraction. The kiss didn't work out for some reason. It was stopped by something. I'd assumed that maybe she needed alcohol before she could kiss me. I decided not to press the issue, afterall, I had just gotten there, and I had a present for her.
We popped into her apartment, talked with her charming roommate, and I gave her a small wrapped parcel. A Serenity comicbook, #2 of 3. It had Kaylee on the cover, and I wrote her a note.

"When you can't run anymore, you crawl. And when you can't do that any more... well you know the rest." For those of you who aren't cool enough to know the rest, it goes like this: "And when you can't do that anymore, you get someone to carry you." I thought it was a nice quote from the series, and I thought it carried my hopes of a strengthening relationship. Her roommate assured us that she wouldn't be in the apartment when we got back. *wink* *wink*

Since I got there so early, I was hoping for some makeouts, but Sakura was sort of in a hurry to get out. If we were able to get our dinner, we could concievably catch the 8:20 showing, instead of the 10:30 one. She said she'd rather not be out late.
The awkwardness continues.
We walk to the car, and I put my hand over her shoulder. This is friendly cuddling. This is a level of contact that we have established as acceptable. This is something we have shared in the past. More than once. But she was cold. Not physically, just emotionally. She had no response to my touch. Didn't move closer, didn't touch me back, didn't look at me, just kept walking. So I kept that attempt up for all of four seconds. She didn't say anything.
I didn't say anything, and I should have. Instead, I got into her car (she wanted to drive) and we went to the restaurant. We were at a light for about 3 minutes. I tried to lean and kiss her on the cheek. As I said before, it was important to me to reestablish our connection. She ignored me, and I couldn't reach. She always drives with 2 hands, so I could not try to hold her hand. It was awkward. She didn't say anything.
Sakura and I have a history of physical contact. Not a lot of it. Just simple cuddling and flirting. She's rested her head in my lap. I've put my hands on her face. I've held her around the waist. We kissed once. But today, she didn't want me touching her. It bothered me a lot.
At the Restaurant, the adorable Maitre'D gave us a four person table so we could "sit next to each other." Sakura decided it would be best to sit across from each other. I was starting to get frustrated, as you can imagine. As she perused the wine list, and told mer her favorite types, I said I wasn't interested in wine. I don't really like wine, but I would have tried it for her. NOPE. Not Tonight. It's about time we had some sober time together anyway. Over dinner (it was delicious) we talked. The conversation wasn't bad. She told me about her dad's mid-life crisis. She didn't really ask me about myself, so I just let her talk.

Over Dinner, Sakura was fixated on her phone. Tonight, during our date, she would be receiving a phone call giving her a position in an upperdivision film production.

The rest of the date went this way. She was tied to her phone, and I was an arms length away. We're in a romantic movie, with no arm rest between us, and I'm wondering "am I just not trying hard enough? She SHOULD be wanting me to at least hold her goddamned hand." I touch her thigh with one finger, and then go back to minding my own business. If she is interested in contact, she'll grab my hand. She wasn't interested in contact. I thought about leaving, but I realized that she'd driven, so I'd be stuck there. Also my hat was in her car.

I spent the rest of the movie wondering why she'd agreed to this date. She didn't seem interested in me. She was behaving... inconsistently. I imagined that maybe she decided I wasn't attractive anymore. Maybe without alcohol, she just wasn't interested. It sort of made me upset. I watched the movie. the main character cried when she learned her sister ran away with a soldier. I laughed. Somewhat bitterly.

The evening moves on, and we end up at her gate. "I'm so tired," she says as a way to be perfectly clear that there are no makings out waiting for me back at her place. So I hug her and say good night. We broke apart, but I held onto her hand.
"What's going on? Things were... weird tonight." I said.
"Yeah." she said, lookign down. Then she explained it. She was afraid things had been moving too fast.

I can see where she's coming from, and I can see how her behavior came about. But I am too frustrated to sympathize.
She should have fucking told me at the beginning of the goddamned date, when I tried to kiss her. That would have saved me an entire evening of heartache.

"You're only the fifth girl I've ever kissed." I said, to exeplify the fact that fast or not, my attraction is significant. "You're the first guy I've gone out with." She says, with what could have only been an intention to shatter my hope in the relationship. "So you can see why I'm a little awkward."

If I'm her first relationship, and this is our second date, then I really think this is going to have problems. I am tired of being training wheels. I'm tired of women who have no idea how, when, or why to share themselves in a relationship. We're already working on a critical communications failure. But I'm a nice guy. I know what she needs to hear.

"I like you. I'm willing to take things slowly." I held her hand, and looked at her. "I'll see you later." And I left.

But now that I'm home, I have all these sugar plumbs dancing in my head. It just doesn't seem worth it. That may not sound like a sugar plumb to you, but I've always been afraid of those things.

What I think is really going on is this: Sakura has a history of painful flings. Perhaps they developed much like this. Meet someone, like them. Kiss them, then Insert Penis. Perhaps she really likes me, and she doesn't want this to go the same way as other relationships. She's being cautious.

I can understand that. I don't think it's a good reason. ButI can understand.
She should know that I'm not like that. She's been talking to emily, she's been talking to me. She should have an idea of the strength of amy character. But it isn't this decision that bothers me. I'd never kissed so quickly either. In my past relationships, it was literally weeks before saliva was shared. If she hadn't made the move, this would have been a normal date. What bothers me is that she made this ground breaking, date altering decision, and didn't tell me.
What also bothers me, perhaps more than anything, when is holding hands moving too fast? If she didn't want to kiss me, that's one thing. And it's decidedly less awkward. But she wouldn't touch me. Despite all the stories, despite conjecture and rumor, the fact of the matter was that she wanted the date to go short from the beginning, and she didn't want to touch me.

I feel like she doesn't have any interest in me, and her past enamourations were just an inebriated desire for comfort. I feel used.

Goodnight Bowl and Goodnight Brush.
Goodnight, Goodnight Bowl of Mush.