Hero Seeking Vigilante


This blog now serves as a historical log of my quest for love. A collection of stories and articles more than blog posts, I hope that it can continue to amuse and entertain beyond it's active lifespan.

An adventurous young computer nerd/ gaming geek travels into the world looking for love in all the wrong places. And posts the terrible terrible consequences right here.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

All of this

I suppose this grand experiment deserves a grand ending.
Six months in the field, doing weekly research, weekly battle with the women of Los Angeles.

Fireworks perhaps, or an execution of traitors.
But I've learned too much by now, to end this with a bang.

I'm not going to describe our first kiss, or tell you what she's scared of. I'm not going to tell you what our obstacles are, because every relationship has them, and it's personal. It's no longer my business to share with the world.

I haven't said much about her, because I knew after our first date that she was special. I knew after our first date, that I'd be writing this post.

I can tell you that she's a planner, and a thinker. She's afraid of spiders, but brave enough to face them. She knows enough to say what's on her mind. She dresses herself with a perfect compromise of function and form. She doesn't have a dog, but I know she wants one. She goes to sleep, and she's dreaming of what we might be. We. One day. Us. Together.
Which is nice, because I don't have to pretend that I'm not doing the same thing (See December 20th).

I don't need to pretend anything around her.

I'm still insecure, and I'm still cynical, but I know better than to talk about it. The dank recesses of my mind are puddling with brain juice and unfounded worries. Immense squishy walls of grey fat conceal my problems within a labrynth of curves, and that's just where they belong. These really aren't our problems anyway, just constructs of angst and worry, based on little more than the difference of two numbers.

I guess what still suprises me is that I'm not pretending anything. I'm not holding anything back. I am spam, and I am sometimes paranoid. I am spam, and I am sometimes obsessive. I am spam, and I have the answer to every question, whether I know anything about the subject or not, and she can see everything I am, and she's not scared.

I'm still worried she will be, that all in all I may be a little too cynical, or a little too jaded, but right now I'm not afraid to trust her with my heart.

Right now, she is taking a final.
Right now, she is thinking of me.
I have lodged myself into her brain, she says. Sometimes, she says, she must try very hard to think about something that isn't me. Which is nice.
Because sometimes I'm afraid to say that I feel that way about her.

Right now, I am missing her. And I am thinking about how her hair smells, and how her back feels. I am thinking about her voice, and how it's different when she's nervous or comfortable. I am thinking about how she looks with her eyes closed.
Beautiful.

3 Comments:

At 4:54 PM PST, Blogger fridaysmistress said...

A huge congratulations to you, my friend. I am so glad your experiment has gone so well. I think mine is going well so far too. Though I think my good results are fleeting where it seems yours are here to stay. Dare I say it. I wish you the best. I am so glad that you got your first kiss together. I hope the following ones are just as sweet if not sweeter. I hope at the end of the day I come out as happy as you seem to be. Good luck Spam! And thanks for sharing everything. I think you've had a big part in me kicking off my experience.

 
At 12:56 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you just restored my faith in mankind.

 
At 11:01 AM PDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck, I hope you find something else to blog about because reading you has been a kick.

 

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